Sometimes, seemingly unrelated stories I’m working on seem to
come together in interesting ways.
That happened recently, when I was working on today’s SunLife
story about teaching manners to kids, and also a feature on the benefits of
family togetherness for our February Healthy U Magazine.
I ran across a website called the Dinner Project that made me
wish I’d tried even harder than I did (which was a lot) to have more family
dinners with every generation in my life.
Like Ann Palormo of Las Cruces, who discussed the impact of
technology on family dinner times, I remembered a time, as a tot in the 1950s,
when we moved out of the dining room. It happened pretty quickly, it seems now,
as soon as we got our first television.
Dad grumbled a lot, but before long, the chore list of my sister
and brother and me went from setting the table to setting up the TV trays, and
like most families of the era, we gathered around every night to watch the
Mickey Mouse Club and the nightly news and then fight over which shows we’d
watch on the three or four channels available at the time.
In what I now think of as a masterpiece of diplomacy, my parents
decided each of us, including mom and dad, would get a week when we could
decide which programs to watch. Every five weeks, my word was law, and I don’t
ever remember my parents overruling our choices.
We talked between programs and during commercials, so
conversation continued, but I don’t think it was as profound or interesting as
it was during dinner at my grandparents’ homes, where TV was banned, or during
our frequent camping trips, where the campfires and bright stars seem to
encourage the sharing of deep thoughts.
“I think loss of conversation is a tragedy that will catch up
with us at some point,” Ann concluded.
I thought about that a week later, during a discussion on
etiquette and manners with Irene Oliver-Lewis.
“It’s ironic that what we call social media isn’t social at all,
if you’re on the phone all the time and ignoring the people you’re with. We
need a little of that real socialization to keep us together as a community,”
Irene said.
We discussed the challenges of trying to communicate with kids
when you’re competing with their smart phones, and thus, the whole world.
Kids now have at their fingertips access to a lot more than a single TV
with a few channels, though they can probably find and stream almost every
TV show I’ve ever watched and much more: songs, movies, the infinite wealth and
trash of the internet, plus all their actual friends and favorite celebrities
in infinite forms: Facebook, Snapchat, texting, Tweeting, Instagramming and
several other forms they’ve probably discovered and mastered in the time it’s
taken me to write this column.
Inevitably, while discussing manners and etiquette with my
friends, there were wistful longings for more civility in everyday life and,
particularly In this strange election year, in politics.
Any student of history knows that politics has always been a
dirty game, but however views differed, and tempers heated, public discourse
seemed much more courteous and thoughtful when I was a child. I don’t recall
Dwight Eisenhower and Adlai Stephenson or even John F. Kennedy and Richard
Nixon behaving in ungentlemanly ways during debates and discussions.
But then again, when private papers and now legendary tapes
surfaced, we have perhaps learned that things weren't really so different.
We just didn’t get the inflammatory sound bites, texts and tweets so
instantaneously.
Or maybe we are suffering the inevitable consequence,of three or
four generations having been entertained and diverted by increasing
seductive technology, when they should have been learning manners, brushing up
on their etiquette and practicing the art of polite conversation.
I hope it’s not too late, and I’m planning to have more
leisurely dinners with family and friends this year, at the dining room table.
No phones, please.
S. Derrickson Moore may be reached at dmoore@lcsun-news.com,
@derricksonmoore on Twitter and Tout, or call 575-541-5450. (Or better yet,
let’s have dinner and really talk.)
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