Impossible Christmas Dreams

By S. Derrickson Moore
I noticed while scanning Facebook postings this week that my niece, Brandy, wants a hovercraft for Christmas.
Her mom, my sister Sally, gave Brandy a copy of the Hammacher-Schlemmer holiday catalog, and I have to admit the catalog description’s pretty alluring: “This is the hovercraft that glides over land and water, yet also soars in the air up to 70 mph with the aid of integrated wings.”
It can be yours for a mere $190,000. That might sound like a lot, but then this is not just ANY hovercraft. This one has “a 130-hp twin-cylinder, liquid-cooled gasoline engine, turbocharged and fuel-injected, that drives its 60-inch wood/carbon composite thrust propeller while a 1,100-rpm 34-inch lift fan inflates its durable vinyl-coated nylon skirt for hovering above the ground. Operating in fresh- or saltwater and up to 30 percent inclines over sand, mud, grass, swamp, desert, ice and snow, its wings and horizontal elevator enable pilots to simply hop over water- or land-based obstacles up to 20 feet high.”
Hmm. I think I’ll hold out for a solar-powered version.
It’s not the only unique and excessive holiday giving opportunity that crossed my desk this morning.
Have a film buff on your list? How about the infamous horse head from “The Godfather” or the wheels from the iconic flying bicycle in “E.T.?” Full disclosure: the auction house wants you to “please note that the actual scene in the film used a real horse’s head,” but that this is the official, genuine “rehearsal prop that Don Corleone (Marlon Brando) uses to force studio head Jack Woltz (John Marley) to put his friend, singer Johnny Fontane (Al Martino) in his next major movie.” So, you can be assured that it’s probably been ogled, or even touched, by some pretty famous dudes.
The bike wheels are the real deal from “E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial,” according to the Premier Props media release. It’s described as “miniature bike wheels, from the most iconic image in sci-fi history, the flying of the boys on their BMX Dirt Bikes across the moon over the forest at the end of the film.”
How much? Who knows? But you still have time to place your bid at the Premiere Props Hollywood Auction Extravaganza XII Nov. 23 and 24 in California. There will be more than 1,000 movie props and costumes on the block, from such movies as “Transformers,” “Citizen Kane,” “Fantasia,” “Planet of the Apes” and “Star Wars.”
For the downlow and bidding procedures, contact premiereprops.com or call 888-761-PROP.
Let’s head back to the upscale impossible dreams from the original and still over-the-top champion fantasy gift purveyors, Neiman Marcus.
For the got-rocks Bickersons who have everything, how about the His & Hers Ultimate Outdoor Entertainment System?
“You click a button and your television emerges from its discreet, underground cache, telescoping upward and unfolding to reveal its mega 201″ C SEED screen. The accompanying speakers ... use the most advanced marine-grade components specifically developed for super yachts,” according to the 2013 Neiman Marcus catalog.
You’ll also get a satellite and DVD management system, lots of state-of-the-art, high-tech goodies, a built-in movie package featuring up to 300 movies and concerts and two Apple mini iPad remotes. All yours for just $1,500,000.
On a budget? How about their Bespoke Global Falconry Companion adventure. It’s your chance “to take part in an ancient sport once reserved for nobles of Medieval Europe, the Middle East, and the Mongolian Empire.” There are lots of unbelievable details, but let’s bottom-line it: It’s $150,000 and includes a 20-karat gold-plated perch and other opulent accessories for the bird.
Maybe you’ve had a good year and want more than the flights of fantasy. You’d like something solid for everyday use. How about the Neiman Marcus 2014 Aston Martin Vanquish Volante, one of just 10 such vehicles on the planet? You can enjoy “its elegant profile and confident, sexy stance” in your own driveway for only $344,500.
That hovercraft is beginning to look like a bargain stocking stuffer. Let’s get one for everyone on our list. We can economize by watching our old TV, indoors, for another year.
S. Derrickson Moore may be reached at  dmoore@lcsun-news.com, @DerricksonMoore on Twitter or Tout, or call 575-541-5450.