Wanted: Your ideas for festivals and good jokes

By S. Derrickson Moore
Sun-News reporter
LAS CRUCES — Heard any good jokes lately? Thought of any good concepts for new fiestas?
Q. What did the weary ghost whisperer say to the stubborn spirit that refused to go into the light?
A. Get an afterlife, kid!
That’s my original ghost joke contribution, which came to me after doing several stories on regional ghost hunters and paranormal investigators over the past year.
There are so many that I think we should have a fiesta of some kind, too, and I’m working on a name and concept. (Or maybe I’ll find a ghost writer to do it for me.)
In fact, good jokes and fiestas are the subject of this column and a proposed contest. I figure we just can’t get enough of either, so I welcome your ideas.
It’s easy and fun. Let’s start with onions, in honor of our brand new festival.
Q. What do onion armies use to control riots?
A. Tear gas.
Think you can do better? Me, too. Send me your best onion jokes.
A pecan festival is in the works, too. I did an ionline search and found our favorite nuts seem to be big in the knock-knock genre.
Knock, Knock.
Who's there?
Pecan!
Pecan who?
Pecan somebody your own size!
Let’s think up some jokes to go with our most popular fiestas.
Deming’s Great American Duck Race should be snap. Get quackin’ on that.
The Whole Enchilada Fiesta and the Hatch Chile Festival should also provide some hot inspiration. (Please remember this is a family newspaper when submitting your jokes, but feel free to laugh at whatever you want in the privacy of your own kitchen.)
I’ve just learned that ArtsHop has been retired, and this year, on Sept. 11 and 12, the Doña Ana Arts Council will host “Color Las Cruces,” a plein air competition and community arts festival with artists painting outside, “quick draw” contests, galas and special exhibits at area galleries.
So we’ll need some good artist jokes.
You know you’re an artist if...
• The highlights in your hair are from your palette and not Clairol.
• You clean your brushes in your coffee.
• You like to get plastered and paint the town red.
Q. How many artists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Ten. One to change it, and nine to reassure him about how good it looks.
Q. How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two. One to hold the giraffe and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools.
Hmm. Maybe we should have a festival to come up with great jokes and fun festivals. We could call it Chiste Fiesta.
We might even come up with an official state joke.
“I know we have an official state bird, flower, question, song and cookie, but I don’t think there’s an official New Mexico state joke — except for Texans,” quipped Sun-News Online Editor Jason Gibbs.
You get the idea. Times are still tough and we can all use some good laughs and fiestas. So get together with your amigos, have some fun and invent and share your best jokes, festival concepts, and/or joke and festival combos. Send 'em via e-mail to dmoore@lcsun-news,com or snail mail to S. Derrickson Moore, Las Cruces Sun-News, 256 W. Las Cruces Ave.
I’ll share your best efforts in a future column.

S. Derrickson Moore can be reached at dmoore@lcsun-news.com; (575) 541-5450. To share comments, go to www.lcsun-news.com and click on Blogzone and Las Cruces Style.